Dear God,
Thanksgiving is approaching. Because it is, I issued a challenge to myself to look for something, anything, even if it is only one thing per day that I could be thankful for. Counting my blessings, as it were. Here I am, halfway through the month and I am amazed at how truly blessed I am and how good You have been to me in spite of myself. Simple things, ordinary things that are otherwise taken for granted, things that are deemed as menial leave me in awe of Your provision and mercies. Things like hot and cold running water, food, shelter, being able to bathe and dress and feed myself. Things like my children not having to scrape through the local landfill in order to find food or scraps to exchange for money for food. That my children are safe with family and friends and people that love them instead of being forced to exchange their innocence in the name of brutal survival. Music and laughter and the gift of expressing my heart and soul with ink and paper. Family and friends and people who love me and a job that I enjoy so much. And the greatest blessing is knowing that my name is written in Your Book of Life...that I am carved upon the palms of Your hands...that You purchased my salvation through the shed blood of Your Son.
I am, among all mankind, most truly blessed!
Thank You, Lord!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Counting My Blessings
Dear God,
My prayers, both written and spoken, have been scattered, as there have been many changes and even more things for which to be thankful. Thank You for being with us when we moved. Thank You for providing a beautiful home which feels more as a sanctuary than anything else. Thank You for healing my body when I was fighting pneumonia. Thank You for being with Ira through his surgery and recovery. Thank You for bringing me through that time and for giving me the strength to endure. Thank You for opening up the door to a job that I love. A job that contains opportunity to grow. Thank You for new friends who challenge as well as encourage me. Thank You for the people that I love so dearly; without them, without You, nothing I do means anything. Most of all, Lord, thank You for loving me in spite of myself. Thank You for dealing with me where I need to be dealt with and thank You for mercies and grace that I know full well I am not deserving of! Thank You for calling me Yours in spite of my humanity! And thank You for loving me enough to not let me wallow in my humanity!
My prayers, both written and spoken, have been scattered, as there have been many changes and even more things for which to be thankful. Thank You for being with us when we moved. Thank You for providing a beautiful home which feels more as a sanctuary than anything else. Thank You for healing my body when I was fighting pneumonia. Thank You for being with Ira through his surgery and recovery. Thank You for bringing me through that time and for giving me the strength to endure. Thank You for opening up the door to a job that I love. A job that contains opportunity to grow. Thank You for new friends who challenge as well as encourage me. Thank You for the people that I love so dearly; without them, without You, nothing I do means anything. Most of all, Lord, thank You for loving me in spite of myself. Thank You for dealing with me where I need to be dealt with and thank You for mercies and grace that I know full well I am not deserving of! Thank You for calling me Yours in spite of my humanity! And thank You for loving me enough to not let me wallow in my humanity!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Patrick's Day--March 17, 2011
Dear God,
For some reason, this has been a very dark day. I feel so unsettled within my spirit and discouragement these days has been sitting down to have coffee with me. I feel as though I cannot do anything right anymore; I can't cook right, I can't drive right (the close call on the way to taking Jordan to school this morning), I can't parent right, and so it goes. The atmosphere at work is to the point of being toxic and I find myself feeling literally sick at the thought of going in.So many things are leaving me feeling lost and overwhelmed to where I don't know what to do with myself. Mistakes I have made still plague me even though I have asked for and (I believe) received Your grace and forgiveness. I have just found myself feeling angry and irritable and otherwise miserable today.
Dear God, I know within my heart that I can do anything and everything through You and nothing that is within myself; it is my mind that is warring with me. I cannot totally escape the thing called doubt but it doesn't have to come in and live with me. Please, dear God, when I begin to doubt speak to me and remind me that I am more than a conqueror. Remind me that I don't have to be perfect; I just have to be me .
For some reason, this has been a very dark day. I feel so unsettled within my spirit and discouragement these days has been sitting down to have coffee with me. I feel as though I cannot do anything right anymore; I can't cook right, I can't drive right (the close call on the way to taking Jordan to school this morning), I can't parent right, and so it goes. The atmosphere at work is to the point of being toxic and I find myself feeling literally sick at the thought of going in.So many things are leaving me feeling lost and overwhelmed to where I don't know what to do with myself. Mistakes I have made still plague me even though I have asked for and (I believe) received Your grace and forgiveness. I have just found myself feeling angry and irritable and otherwise miserable today.
Dear God, I know within my heart that I can do anything and everything through You and nothing that is within myself; it is my mind that is warring with me. I cannot totally escape the thing called doubt but it doesn't have to come in and live with me. Please, dear God, when I begin to doubt speak to me and remind me that I am more than a conqueror. Remind me that I don't have to be perfect; I just have to be me .
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Dear God,
I feel rather rough today. My chest hurts and my lungs are on fire. I've been coughing so hard and I am so very tired. I just want to lay down and rest. The problem there is I could sleep for days, wake up, and then turn around and go right back to sleep.
Dear God, please place Your healing hand upon my body and draw this sickness from me. Ease my pain and restore my strength. There is a lot ahead these next few weeks and I need all the strength I can get to get through it all. The last thing I need right now is to be sick. My family needs me. My work needs me. I need me!
I feel rather rough today. My chest hurts and my lungs are on fire. I've been coughing so hard and I am so very tired. I just want to lay down and rest. The problem there is I could sleep for days, wake up, and then turn around and go right back to sleep.
Dear God, please place Your healing hand upon my body and draw this sickness from me. Ease my pain and restore my strength. There is a lot ahead these next few weeks and I need all the strength I can get to get through it all. The last thing I need right now is to be sick. My family needs me. My work needs me. I need me!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Dear God,
One week from tonight is Christmas Eve, the night of celebrating the birth of Your Son. In four days, I will light a candle to remember the loss of my baby girl. Admittedly, the grief is not as consuming and I am able to face the holidays with a renewed sense of celebration but I would be lying if I said there still isn't a place inside my heart that aches from her loss. She would be turning two this next July and I sometimes close my eyes and wonder what she would look like? Would she have dark brown hair and green eyes like me? Or would she have baby fine blonde hair and brown eyes like her dad and two of her older half brothers? Would she be a tough and feisty tomboy like her sister Cheyenne? Or would she be a prim and proper little lady?
Dear God, my heart still hurts because she is gone. I hurt knowing that I will never hear her say "I love you, Momma." or be able to teach her how to pray. I hurt that there will never be pictures on my refrigerator from her or handmade cards at the holidays. I hurt that I will never see her open her presents on Christmas morning and listen to her delightful squeals at the sight of the surprises inside. I hurt that I will never see her chest slowly rise and fall as she lays her little head on her pillow at night to sleep. I know, dear God, that she is in the best possible care and hands that she could possibly be in. And I know that one day I will see her and be her Momma in a way I couldn't be here. But I still hurt...I still weep....I still mourn.....I thought that by this time, the mourning would have ceased. But then I wonder if it ever really does?
One week from tonight is Christmas Eve, the night of celebrating the birth of Your Son. In four days, I will light a candle to remember the loss of my baby girl. Admittedly, the grief is not as consuming and I am able to face the holidays with a renewed sense of celebration but I would be lying if I said there still isn't a place inside my heart that aches from her loss. She would be turning two this next July and I sometimes close my eyes and wonder what she would look like? Would she have dark brown hair and green eyes like me? Or would she have baby fine blonde hair and brown eyes like her dad and two of her older half brothers? Would she be a tough and feisty tomboy like her sister Cheyenne? Or would she be a prim and proper little lady?
Dear God, my heart still hurts because she is gone. I hurt knowing that I will never hear her say "I love you, Momma." or be able to teach her how to pray. I hurt that there will never be pictures on my refrigerator from her or handmade cards at the holidays. I hurt that I will never see her open her presents on Christmas morning and listen to her delightful squeals at the sight of the surprises inside. I hurt that I will never see her chest slowly rise and fall as she lays her little head on her pillow at night to sleep. I know, dear God, that she is in the best possible care and hands that she could possibly be in. And I know that one day I will see her and be her Momma in a way I couldn't be here. But I still hurt...I still weep....I still mourn.....I thought that by this time, the mourning would have ceased. But then I wonder if it ever really does?
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